The Past Year

I wrote this and never posted it. oops. 
He's now 13 months but whatever. 

My baby boy turned one on Saturday.

See. . .

Here's a little story for you. About the journey of the past year.

Looking back, I really don't know how I was so naive.

I blame the jump from 1 kid to 2, mostly.
All I heard during my second pregnancy was how hard life was going to be after the baby came.
How difficult two children were. How I would never have time to myself again.
How emotionally exhausting having two kids was.

And then the baby came. And I must admit. Life was a dream.
I loved having two kids.
The dynamic of our family was so much more lively with two.
The girls played well together and they entertained each other well. I felt much less emotionally exhausted with two kids than I did with one.
I loved every second of it.

And since everyone warned about how difficult two kids would be, I figured the warnings about three kids didn't apply to me either. I was just a different kind of mom. You know, the ones that can have a billion kids and love every second of it. 

So, when my second was just 15 months, I had my IUD pulled and got pregnant right away.
Yes, they are one day shy of being exactly two years apart.

And let me tell you. What they warn about three kids, its all right on!

Three kids rocked my world. And I did not expect that at all. 

I've felt frustration and annoyance and depression and depletion. 

I've never felt those things. 

But slowly, through lots and lots of humble prayers, we've made it through this year. 

...and do I dare say "thriving" as a family of five? 

Happy One Year little guy. We love you more than you will ever know...and now we're coming to kiss those cheeks! 

Van + Binky Monkey

 

Baby Boy. Your little monkey has been with from the beginning. I knew you loved him but I didn't realize you needed him...until we lost him and you didn't sleep well. at all. 

When we found him, you immediately put his face up to yours. You smiled and slept. perfectly.

I have a feeling you'll be connected for a while. And I am completely ok with that.

Raising Myself

I wasn't the easiest kid to raise. I know this. I've always known this.

I came into this world with a little more "spice" than most. (a term used to describe me by my Grandpa, a man who has understood me from day one)

They always said, "You're going to get a girl just like you someday".

And look, here she is. 

She looks like me. She acts like me. She thinks like me.

She's the closest thing to me without actually being me.

She's my mini me.

And I love her something fierce. 

And, you know what, I admire her too.

This girl.

She came into this world with a little more "spice" than most.
I love to tell the story of when the NICU nurse gave her a bath for the very first time.
"No offense, but you've got a spitfire on your hands," the nurse said as she chuckled.

She's spent a few more hours in time out than her other siblings and we've had some power struggles too, but man, this girl is strong.

She's never once doubted who she is.

She's never once doubted the power of her Heavenly Father.

She's never once doubted her ability to do good.

Things don't phase her. They don't embarrass her.

Fear doesn't stop her.

I always thought raising myself would be a burden. A little dose of dreadful Karma.
But these days, it's a lesson in self love.

It's learning that every single person has both strengths and weaknesses.
What you may see as weaknesses, might just be your biggest strengths.

Be who you are. Love yourself.

Because if you saw yourself through the loving eyes of a mother, you'd see a person worth admiring.